Prelude from The Quartermaster’s Store:
My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me.
——
My old man spent 18 years in a coal pit
He’s got black lung and he still smokes miners’ cigarettes
And he talks real loud to me mother
And he coughs until he’s sick
And he just don’t grasp what’s wrong with him
My old man gets drunk and beats up his children
And he spends his packet on cheap whiskey and borrowed tarts
And he’s got a flaming ulcer and he swears a bleeding horse
And he can’t control his temper
My old man’s a joke
Working for the company
And they laugh at him
What a piece of human waste
He’s not alive
But he ain’t dead yet
Smokin’ pot dried cigarettes
Three cheers for my old man
Until they really need him, ’till we really need him
Where, the love
My old man spent 18 quid on pit gear
Mother gets it if he kicks it, and he’s paid up then
Stringing out some souvenir, if he chokes in his sleep
Says to shake him every now and then
My old man gets mad and smashes up me school stuff
Mother sends him letters and I help her spell
And they send him books on children
And he throws them at the children
What with burying his gun and all
My old man’s a joke
Working for the company
And they laugh at him
What a piece of human waste
He’s not alive
But he ain’t dead yet
Smokin’ Park Drive cigarettes
Three cheers for my old man
Until they really need him, ’till we really need him
Where, the love
My old man spent 18 years in a coal pit
And he goes to Skeggie and he gets real drunk in the summertime
But he might not make it this year
Cause the bus fare’s getting too steep
So he’ll get twice as drunk at home instead
My old man rents his bungalow from the company
When he gets real sick, he’ll just lie down and die at home
And me mother will say a few words
And they’ll throw dirt on his face
And I’ll go to work and take his place.
—
Epilogue:
You can live your life
You can live your life alone
Note: Songwriters / singers Andrew Nicholls and Darrell Vickers later went on to be head writers of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. I contacted Darrell Vickers on Facebook to confirm the above lyrics. A very gracious and helpful bloke.